I have been a First initiate for quite some time now. When I was first initiated I had very high expectations of what the ‘experience’ would be like. My mind had conjured up expectations of shooting through inner space like a rocket surrounded by visions of beautiful light, feeling immersed in waves of love. But as I stared into darkness shortly after receiving the energy I wondered what had gone wrong. I had a very brief moment of seeing something I had never seen before and when the excitement of that was over I was left with an overwhelming sense of failure and disappointment. I wasn’t to see much light for quite a while after that.

But the Sound was there from the very beginning. As I sat grumbling and complaining and feeling sorry for myself I kept half an ear on the Sound. And then I began to notice something rather remarkable – I was starting to feel as if I was being melted. The more I listened to the Sound the softer I was becoming, the more my hard defences started to drop away. I had been looking for the glamour and excitement of the inner Light when it was this subtle rather understated Sound that I needed the most.

They say you bring your own baggage to the spiritual journey. And, as in the Fool tarot card, it is your own baggage that stands in the way of the Light. I, like many, had not found life that easy before initiation. I had learnt to argue, to fight, to stand up for myself, to trust no one, to never ask for help, to hide my frail sense of self behind humour and bravado. And although deeply depressed I was proud. Proud of my sharp, cynical mind. Proud that I was a rock and needed no one to survive. This was
my baggage.

And this is what the Sound has been melting away over the years since my initiation. I have at times seen spectacular Golden Light and indeed felt myself moving through space and, of course, I was happy to experience such wonders. But they are secondary to me now, bonuses on the way. What I appreciate and love most about meditating on the Light and Sound is what it has done to and for me over the years. How it has removed layers of my defences so that I am able to receive more and more. I still have baggage, of course. And there is plenty of the journey left ahead of me. But I also know I have the ultimate ally to help me onward on my journey. I know that if I persevere and keep working with the energies eventually I will be able to let go of everything and experience the inner truth that I set out to find at the beginning. And for that I could never be more grateful.