My Light and Sound Meditation Experience From an earlier experience, I felt blocked in my capacity to let go, essentially fearing annihilation, extinction, and the dissolving into nothingness. (By comparison, death did not seem bad at all! LOL!) I had asked specifically for help in letting go of this fear of the physical body disappearing. The earlier experience involved my physical body literally dissolving before my eyes.

It started in meditation, but then kept happening while shopping for groceries, picking up the children, driving…It started at my back and layer by layer, it seemed I was sloughing off the physical self, creating a bluish white trail behind my body that every day got a little longer as more and more of the physical form disappeared. It went on for months. This seemed appropriate during meditation. It scared the hell out of me when it began to happen outside of meditation, and then did not stop!

I thought there were two outcomes: I was either losing my mind, or I really was going to disappear completely! The process got to the last layer of my physical molecular structure, and I stopped it, fearing to leave my children. I have often wondered what would have happened if I had understood the process as it was happening, and allowed it to continue. Since that time, I have had a reluctance to really let go into deep meditation.
 
My children are now grown, and I decided I was ready to begin again, but I needed some help, and placed a request to the universe for that help. (I also requested help with a process that would facilitate my students’ evolving in a quicker way.) Shortly, I was told about (D), and the Light and Sound Meditation, and I intuitively knew my help had arrived! (D) gave me the Mantra and I began to tentatively meditate with a willingness to go deeper, after the previous rather long hiatus, but still having some resistance. During the meditation, on the second day of the first initiation, it felt as though (D) had his fingers pushing on the area of the 3rd eye (although he was quietly meditating across the room.)

The feeling of pressure there, as though coming from outside the body, was tremendous. That sensation suddenly coalesced into a brilliant purple light, which then took the form of a body. I heard the words, “You let go like this.” The androgynous, featureless, purple body, was standing, then sat down in a field of golden light, as though sitting on the light like a chair, and then fell back and was supported by the light. As soon as that happened, I felt my whole body let go, and this old fear and blockage of dissolving into nothingness just fall away. I merged with the light, and floated into space as an awareness, in which the focus was a tiny image of Ganesh.

This image began to move toward my center of awareness, and I saw a light on the belly of Ganesh. I heard the words, “Come into me.” My awareness drifted toward the light on his belly, and as I got closer, it became a portal that I went through and into his belly. As I heard the words, “You are me. I am you. We are this,” my attention was directed to the inside of Ganesh’s belly. Suddenly, it was the universe. The galaxies, the solar systems, the planets and stars became the bits of matter of my body, with great spaciousness in between. The physical form had become the universe, and although I was aware of the physical bits, the majority was space, or better said, spaciousness.

There was awareness that this was a demonstration of being shown how the body dissolves and what it dissolves into…and that there was nothing to fear. Meanwhile there were waves of ecstasy being experienced, and the question of how could there be an experience of ecstasy, without the experience of a physical form as a body, floated through my awareness. Then there was the demonstration of light as the underlayment, an “isness” of what is, and a flow of particles as sound, a resonance, on top of that, and when the field of human consciousness interacted with this, in this way, it created the experience of ecstasy. So I feel a deep gratitude to (D).

When I had shared the previous experience and resultant blockage, the words he shared with me were absolutely perfect to help me relax and deepen my willingness to let go. I shall be eternally grateful to him for helping me to overcome this old blockage, and for his help in opening the door to light and sound as the dance of a constant companion.
 
Here is a poem inspired by the experience of letting go…

Sweet, sweet surrender You gave to me by letting go what all the struggle in the world could not teach me or reach me.

Sweet, sweet surrender Your secret is bliss Peace so profound It becomes the ground I walk upon.
Sweet, sweet surrender A thousand, A million, bazillion words cannot give the gift of one second of living You

Sweet, Sweet surrender I die into You and I am reborn, Wings unfolding, unfurling, flying into the Light.